The Worst College Visit Ever!
“I hated that school,” were the first words that came out of my client’s mouth when I enthusiastically asked her about her recent college visit.
As an independent college counselor, I spend a lot of time coaching high school students on how to have a fun and productive experience on a college campus.
Strangely enough, many colleges do all the wrong things to have a student’s visit be a complete turn-off. Here is what to do to achieve that result:
- Make sure that there is no human contact when setting up a visit and/or interview. Have it be all done on-line with no further communication from the college in terms of confirmation, information about where the admissions office is, where to park, and directions on how to find one’s way around the campus.
- Make sure that there is no welcome when the family arrives at the admissions office. Have the secretary be too preoccupied to take the time to be gracious. It’s especially effective if the visitors have the impression that they were unexpected.
- At the orientation session, make sure that the message is, “This is a very prestigious college, and you’ll be lucky to get in.” Paint a picture of the typical student as the quintessential overachiever who is so perfect that students in attendance are in awe of their own inadequacies.
- Don’t have any process for selecting tour guides. Anyone who qualifies for work study will do. Guides who are especially uninformed about academic programs, activities, and life on campus are perfect. Guides who are sarcastic, pretentious, or who have no personality or sense of humor are ideal.
- As prospective students walk around the campus with their parents, have everyone ignore them. Don’t smile, nod, or even say, “Hello” (gasp!).
- When touring the dorms, make sure the tour guide doesn’t have a key to the “showcase dorm room.” Instead have her offer to show the group her room, complete with hung-over boyfriend in her bed. This actually happened, much to the delight and surprise of the prospective student’s mother.
- When touring the dorms, have there be beer flowing down the stairs and empties overflowing trash bins on a Tuesday or Wednesday morning. Hey, a mid-week party breaks up the monotony of studying!
- Have the campus look tired and uncared for. Buildings should be showing signs of wear and be unclean. Outdoor clusters of cigarette butts add a special touch.
- If a student asks to visit a class, be sure it’s one where the professor is boring and the students are apathetic.
- Let there be no further contact with the student from the college. There are so many students who are interested, there just isn’t enough time to stay in touch or encourage them to apply.
